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Most men believe that accountability is the invincible weapon for fighting lust, but many of us have found that this method falls short. It helps for a while, granted, due to the repulsive power of embarrassment. But what's next? We need something more potent if we are to experience lasting victory.
Daryl Wingerd dug up and brushed off the Bible's core explosive device for defeating habitual sexual sin. You won't find this concept in most self-help books on the subject--even Christian ones. I'm convinced you will discover here the volatile material able to finally decimate lust as a pattern of life, in you and in those you help. Like others, you may say, "I've not read a book quite like this for clarifying the biblical way to succeed over this troubling issue."
Women may wish to read this book also. It will help them understand what their husbands and sons may face. Though writing from the man's perspective, the author is not unaware of how lust can become a woman's problem as well. In fact, believers in general may wish to read Delivered by Desire to discover how to overcome habitual sins. The biblical principles will apply.
~from the preface by Jim Elliff, President, Christian Communicators Worldwide
- Sales Rank: #688049 in eBooks
- Published on: 2012-10-04
- Released on: 2012-10-04
- Format: Kindle eBook
Most helpful customer reviews
4 of 4 people found the following review helpful.
Delivered from Desire is Spot On
By Bruce Roeder
Book Review-Delivered by Desire
By Pastor Daryl Wingerd
My wife and I like to poke around in antique stores or second hand stores and one day we stopped at a second hand store in a small town in Wisconsin.
I usually aim for the book section to see what I might get in the history department. As I made my way through the books I spotted a niche in the shop and headed for it hoping to find more books. Instead what I found was a niche full of porn! It took about 2-3 seconds for me to totally realize what I stumbled upon but having realized it I quickly exited the niche. Flee youthful lusts comes to mind here!
My wife must have seen me enter the niche since she met me on the way out and said she had just stumbled upon the niche just prior to me and was on her way to warn me.
We're not naive so we were not shocked to see the store have a porn niche but we were surprised since I cannot recall ever seeing a wall full of hard core magazine stuff at a second hand resale shop. What was equally troubling was the fact that the young lady behind the counter was no more than 16 or 17-years-old and I'm thinking what kind of dad would let his daughter work in a place that sold hard core porn?
I read in one of my counseling books on porn that magazine porn has declined in popularity but that is due to the INET rather than anyone turning away from the porn industry. This means that the second-hand store was selling the magazines as vintage collectible porn. It's sad there must be a market.
As I've noted in a previous post on the subject of porn the church is not immune to porn nor is it limited to men only. The INET has made porn available for everyone and more and more women also use it. This has led to a widespread acceptance of porn as normal and probably explains why a dad didn't mind his 16-17-year old daughter running the risk of some guy buying a stack of old porn mags.
The church though is fighting back and there a number of free resources available for people who struggle with this desire of the heart that feels like a disease addiction.
But what I want to do for the rest of this article is tune you into a book by Pastor Daryl Wingerd titled Delivered by Desire-The Encouraging Truth About Christians and Sexual Purity. This book is not free but is well worth the $15.00 price tag. (cheaper for Kindle)
The first thing about this book I noticed is the title, Delivered by Desire with the word by struck over the word "from."
This is not merely clever but says something profound. Often time's men feel trapped by porn and as a result pray that if only the Lord would deliver them from sexual desire their problems would be over.
The Lord can certainly do that if He chooses but the prayer request misses the point. Sexual desire is not evil and God ordained the marriage bed as something holy (Heb. 13:4). A man should desire his wife sexually as well as she for him (1 Cor. 7). The desire is not wrong; what is wrong is when the desire becomes a desire for something outside of what God intended.
Wingerd's title then begins to apply the only heart solution there is to the problem of porn. I must desire Jesus more than I desire porn. The more I desire Jesus then the more I will fight the temptation of wandering eyes. Fleeing like I did in that second hand shop is an obvious strategy and very much like Joseph did with Potiphar's wife. In other words guys, don't linger, run for your life, flee immorality as the Scripture puts it.
I like Wingerd's approach with his little book. He sets it up as a dialogue between two men, one of whom can't seem to shake INET porn in Chapter One.
Right off the bat the dialogue goes where it needs to. The man who is struggling is named Nick. Nick knows the porn use is wrong. Most Christian men do get that. On occasion I'll counsel someone who is not convinced it is wrong but that is merely the power of rationalization making that which is forbidden more acceptable than out and out adultery or fornication. By and large most Christian men grasp that porn is wrong and many have tried time and time again to break the habit only to find themselves going where they should not. Wingerd's book takes the approach of encouraging Nick to fight rather than heaping shame on him which is at times the tactic used in some Christian circles.
In the dialogue Nick identifies the reason he fails as not knowing how to quit. Wingerd then spends the rest of the book leading Nick to grasp what is going on his heart when he fails and the "how to's" to finally overcome a ruling desire of the heart that feels like a disease addiction that cannot be defeated.
Here's a partial chapter breakdown.
Chapter 2: The Significance of Desire
Key paragraph: Please forgive my non-technical language, but whether you respond like a moth or a cockroach when faced with a choice between Light and darkness depends on what your "wanter" wants.
Your wanter is your heart. As an unbeliever your heart will be inclined toward disobedience but when you receive Christ you receive a new heart with a new capacity you did not have before.
I like any counseling book that makes a big deal out of the heart. This is much more than behavioral modification. It deals with the soul.
Chapter 3: The Anatomy of Desire
Key paragraph: Because of God's wrath following Adam's disobedience, there was a "new natural" in terms of human desire. Sin-the excessive and perverse expression of the good desires God implanted in mankind at creation-became the new ruling principle in every person from birth.
In other words, sin distorts everything and sin whatever the form becomes something that rules a person. In Christ, that changes, but sin still has the power to pull the believer down and dominate him through habitual responses to life.
This is why Nick fails. At his moment of weakness the ruling desire of the heart (lust, pleasure) is stronger than his love for Christ. Controlling idols take many forms. Pleasure, power, control and approval are the most common and most people can identify with them one way or the other. Porn is obviously connected to pleasure but power and control can also factor in. Controlling idols are the roots of what psychology would call addictions. The controlling idol is so powerful the person feels like they have a disease they cannot cure.
Chapter 4: Irrationality 101
At the time of this writing Anthony Wiener, Democrat Congressman from New York has been caught sexting and then lying about it. The irrationality of it is that he used his Twitter account to send pics of his private parts to young women. This is proof positive that sin makes you stupid and reckless.
Chapter Four is about the irrationality of porn use with Christians. This is why behavior modification is not enough to defeat porn temptation. It's irrational for a man to use a company computer to view porn, yet they do. It's more irrational to use the company computer to view porn by getting around the blocking devices many companies use. Yet, computer savvy Christian men do just that. It does not make sense which says something about the power of ruling desires. They should not be under estimated and it's why the heart must be dealt with at the root level.
Key Thought: If you continue in your habit of viewing pornography, you will be a case-study in irrational thought and behavior.
Chapter 5: Marriage Poison
Viewing pornography is adultery (Matt. 5:28)
Way back in 1976 then President Jimmy Carter gave an interview to Playboy Magazine. He famously remarked that he had committed adultery in his heart by lusting after women other than his wife.
Carter was just being honest and it's sad that the media just focused on the comment rather than the solution to the struggles of the heart. I am not sure why Carter gave the interview to Playboy in the first place. At the time Carter was the first openly born-again President and maybe this excerpt from the interview explains why he did it. Keep in mind that in 1976 Playboy was the porn standard and was in its heyday. Here's Carter's comment:
Because I'm just human and I'm tempted and Christ set some almost impossible standards for us. The Bible says, "Thou shalt not commit adultery." Christ said, I tell you that anyone who looks on a woman with lust has in his heart already committed adultery. I've looked on a lot of women with lust. I've committed adultery in my heart many times.... This is something that God recognizes, that I will do and have done, and God forgives me for it. But that doesn't mean that I condemn someone who not only looks on a woman with lust but who leaves his wife and shacks up with somebody out of wedlock. Christ says, don't consider yourself better than someone else because one guy screws a whole bunch of women while the other guy is loyal to his wife. The guy who's loyal to his wife ought not to be condescending or proud because of the relative degree of sinfulness.
There is some truth in Carter's remarks because he identifies the main issue as a heart issue. There is a relative degree of sinfulness since actual adultery has more consequences than fantasy adultery but as I said at the end of the day it's a heart issue. Carter seems to downplay the seriousness of the lusting however. The comment about God recognizing his struggle and forgiving him is true but should not serve as a further rationalization for continued lusting.
The Bible makes much of the connection between adultery and idolatry. In this case the idol of pleasure controls the man into committing adultery in his heart and it often leads to the real thing. INET sex chat lines are one way adultery becomes even more real. We've come a long way from Playboy lusts to live chats and in at least one case I've counseled a man who went from live chats to setting up a meeting that fortunately did not happen.
Adultery is a slippery slope and the slide starts in the mind.
Chapter 6: Fool's Vomit
Look up Proverbs 6:32, 7:7, 7:22-23 and Proverbs 5:20-23.
It should go without saying that in our culture sexual sin is winked at. Although pressure is on Anthony Wiener to resign it has more to do with the fact he sent a sexting to a 17-year-old girl than it does with the fact he was sexting at all.
In other words, just about the only taboo left is sexting underage girls or child porn. Had she been 18 the pressure on Wiener to resign would be much less. Even Democrats who like him would not want to have their names on a bill with a man who sex texts children.
The point is our culture pushes and pushes the acceptance of sexual impurity and the Bible equates it with just plain foolishness. Once a person in controlled by the idol of pleasure he worships that god and that is foolishness because it ignores the one true God.
Sexual pleasure within the context of marriage is holy (Heb. 13:4 again) and anything outside of that is the vomit of a fool that he continues to lap up once he has barfed it up time and time again. Not a pretty picture, but thoroughly biblical.
Chapter 7-17
The rest of Delivered by Desire gives the strategies and steps to practice to win this battle with the heart dominated by the idol of porn/pleasure. I want you to buy the book so it would unfair to the author to list the strategies here. Suffice it say that victory can be won. Christ defeated sin and death at the Cross and it is laying hold of the power of the gospel that will put the idol of porn/pleasure to death as well.
You have to be willing to fight to weaken the flesh. If there is no willingness to fight you've already surrendered to a merciless enemy and that's the only way you have no hope.
0 of 0 people found the following review helpful.
Read This Book!
By Robert Davis
This book is simply the best book on sanctification that I have ever read. Yes, read it to help you understand how to crucify the sin of lust as you live in a pornographic society, but also give it to every Christian you know and tell them to read it. Switch the application from lust to any other sin, any other form of idolatry, and you will be helped to see the glory of God in the gospel of Jesus Christ applied to your life in Biblical, practical, and effective ways.
This is no moralistic tripe. There is no hint of "pick-yourself-up-by-your-bootstraps-in-your-own-strength" theology. Wingerd simply (and profoundly) informs you of who you are in Christ (a regenerate person whose affections have been changed to run hot and hard after God) and helps you understand how to crucify sin with the tools you now have as a regenerate believer. His exegesis and application are sound, and he writes with the heart of a pastor who wants God's people to live a full, free, and satisfied life by rejoicing in and pursuing the only One who can satisfy and fulfill.
If you have suffered through the moralistic preaching and writing so prominent in the last few decades you will resonate with the story Wingerd weaves throughout the book of "Two Men, a Park Bench, and a Confession." You will fully understand the exasperation of Nick when he says, "Why don't you just quit (viewing pornography)? Just tell yourself you won't ever do it again" as well as the desperation of John when he says, "This may sound strange, but I've tried and tried to quit and I'm finally realizing that I don't know how." But keep reading, and you will learn. This book (along with the Scriptures) will help you understand how being crucified with Christ has freed you from the power and penalty of sin, and how to "present yourselves to God as those who have been brought from death to life, and your members to God as instruments for righteousness" rather than "present your members to sin as instruments for unrighteousness" (Romans 6:13). It will help you as you live your life, and it will help you disciple others to do the same so you don't have to respond like Nick (you ARE discipling others, right?).
I am a pastor who uses this book in discipling. I have seen the fruit the Holy Spirit produces when we study the Scriptures and read Daryl's practical pastoral wisdom (please don't just read the book, but study the Scriptures through which Daryl leads you). You will experience in yourself, and then in the people you disciple, the reality of the freedom we have in Christ and the abundant life He came to provide.
The only suggestion (actually a plea, and I have made my plea with them!) I have for Daryl and CCW is to reissue this book in a way that will reach wider audience. Take the same theology of sanctification and apply it to crucifying sin in general instead of only to the sin of lust. Don't change this book, but add another in which the theology is applied directly (and just as searingly) to other sins, and let it reach a wider audience.
So get the book, read the Scriptures along with this book, and pass it on to others.
0 of 0 people found the following review helpful.
The best resource to discuss the problem of Porn
By Terrence T. Delaney
While reading the book, I tweeted to Jim Elliff that chapter three was worth the cost of the book only to have to correct that to chapter ten and then section four! Chapter three will help the reader to understand the difference between the desires of the flesh and the desires of the spirit. It is here that the reader will begin to see how he has been duped by Satan into believing that victory is not attainable. Chapter ten is a paradigm shifting chapter for the child of God as Wingerd explains the importance of being a new creation once you have been regenerated and justified through faith in Christ.
The fourth section offers tangible means by which one can deal with the ever present battle of sexual immorality. The chapters in this section should be read and reread and chewed on and digested so that the soldier in the Lord's Army will continue to train for the battle. Finally, I want to commend Wingerd for not really using the idea of "freedom from sexual sin" to hook his readers. So many resources begin with this promise but fail to really explain the means by which one can actually accomplish this.
To read a book about dealing with pornography from the perspective of being encouraged rather than brow-beaten is to find the cure for what ails you after numerous failed so-called anecdotes. I have read numerous books on sexual purity and have even contributed to one with edits and recommendations for content and until now, most have failed to deliver what was needed. That is, a straight forward dealing with pornography as adultery. As a man, I know you need to read this book. As a pastor, I want you to read this book. As a father, you need to understand this book and teach your children. As a husband, your wife needs to know you are reading this book. As a Christian, I am indebted to Daryl Wingerd for writing this book. While there are other quality resources designed to aid the believer in dealing with pornography, I recommend Delivered by Desire above them all.
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